Jaime Lee Moyer: Midnight Secrets and Lies
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I thought I’d seen it all…

Yeah, we all know how that goes.

But seriously, every time I think nothing else in this town can surprise me, something does. I might, maybe, become deeply sarcastic before this blog post is finished. You’ve been warned.

So Texas has a lot of colleges and universities. And since this is part of the football belt, so named by me, it’s not a huge surprise that people take college football seriously–and to extremes.

This is the logo for the Texas Longhorns, football team of the University of Texas. A good western symbol, harking back to the days of cattle drives and all that wild west stuff. Harmless and wholesome.

Today a woman came into the store wearing this shirt.

Dear reader, I may have backed away from her the way you would a snarling dog. There was other writing on the shirt as well, but this was the part that seared itself into my brain. I’ve grown used to everything in Texas taking on a religious overtone, but this tee shirt seemed to have gone that one step beyond.

So me, being who I am, came home and googled this shirt tonight. That was an adventure.

The shirt itself started as a football rivalry jab between UT and Texas A&M, aka the Aggies. I found versions of the shirt online both with and without the bible verse. I couldn’t find out which version was first, but opinions varied as to whether this was a “harmless” bit of fun or not.

Then I found this blog post about the shirt that pinned down exactly why it made me so uncomfortable. Demonizing a football rival and pinning them with a bible verse that says they are wicked is an invitation for violence. ESPECIALLY given the religious climate in this state. (And the country at large.)

So I kept looking at links. I found this handy dandy all purpose site, suitable for any occasion you might want to label anyone or anything wicked–or demonic.

Not only do they let you choose from fifteen different backgrounds to display this verse on, they give you the choice of seven different bible translations, and at least a dozen ways of spreading the message.

Full service, tech savvy religion. That’s a scary thought.

But wait! There’s more!

Researching the origins of this football shirt took me to a site called “Hand Signs, Part 1: Signs of Satan!” The subtitle is: Well known people showing off the hand signal which represents Satan. Black background, lime green and bright yellow font. Really heavy on graphics to illustrate their “point”, part of which is that ALL these people can’t be longhorn fans. Something wicked and sinister must be going on.

You’re going to have to trust me on this one, because I’m not linking to this place. If you doubt any of this, google them.

The very first paragraph explains how Helen Keller (yes! Helen Keller!) was an occultist and invented the sign language gesture for “I love you” as a secret way of saying “I love you, devil.”

Gentle readers, I’m sure you’re all as shocked as I was to discover Helen Keller’s wicked plan.

The people running this site go on to explain that Paul McCartney’s 1971 album Ram was a secret homage to Satan. A ram, or a goat, on the cover equals the devil. The case is very clear.

Finding Michelle and Barack Obama, Bill Clinton and John Kerry listed as known followers of Satan was a bit predictable. Even Prince William was labeled as one of “them”. And–brace yourself–so was Spiderman!!

Guess who else was called a Satanist? Go on–guess!

Sarah Palin! (who was desperate to get elected) George and Laura Bush! (who are members of the Illuminati)

This struck me as being on a par with eating their own young. It made my brain hurt.

Yeah. I’m sure there’s logic here somewhere, or evidence that amounts to more than OH. MY. GOD…look at his hands! He can’t be a longhorns fan!!, or even a coherent thought. I can’t find it.

Going to lie down now until the urge to keep looking passes.

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